The Colbert Report/Episode/550
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * it sounded like "Moose" ** Dr. Colbert's nickname in high school (he was so bulked up) * single Windsor knot ** pretty racy *** also wearing a single Windsor thong * hard to keep any job for 100 days * sensuous tongue bath ** dangerous during a time of swine flu * now there's a horse flu! * some reporters neglected to wear a face mask when kissing Obama's bum ** tough reporter for New York Times * profoundly ** US military is the most enchanting * the land of 1,001 Arabian nights ** play the pan flute * capture a sprite who will grant Stephen's wish for a war with Iran * not just for focusing on first 100 days are ** also how meaningless the first 100 days are * healthiest skepticism from CBS evening news ** innovations * old fashioned and pretty arbitrary * new exclusive methodology * President Obama: The First 14 Mondays * time honored way for judging ** ever since Stephen yanked it out of his ass 15 seconds ago * true test of a president's mettle ** Garfield's worst nightmare * serious case of the Mondays ** February 15th * March 9th ** singing executive order for stem cells research *** wants to find cure for whatever's wrong with Joe Biden * Millard Fillmore's Tuesdays * NIxon's secret days he added to keep the Jews from controlling them SEGMENT2 * working on Obama: the First three full moons ** is he a werewolf * 7th law of arbitrariness * FDR set the gold standard ** his first Monday * Jonathan Alter ** book: The Defining Moment * how would compare FDR with Obama * FDR had a panic attack * violate all the traffic laws ** ever since Presidents don't have to stop at traffic lights * 9th Monday ordered Americans to surrender all their gold * has not accomplished as much as FDR, but he's in his league ** FDR did not play basketball * Dayflation ** how many days would equal FDR's era * first regulation of Wall Street ever ** and last * first national service program * first farm program * Social Security didn't happen for a couple years * he will return when America is in World War III Interview * Ethan Nadelman ** Executive Director of Drug Policy Alliance network * reduce border violence if we legalize drugs; why don't we just legalize border violence? * might be a flashback * start Dark Side of the Moon ... now! * doesn't want to give anything to Stephen's kids * soft on crime ** he calls it "smart" on crime * smoking a joint and whatever ** huge loophole ** freebase monkey brain * 40% say treat it like alcohol ** he estimates 90% of The Heroes *** applause means nothing; they're high * cannot compare alcohol with drugs ** alcohol makes people courageous * compares border violence to Chicago during prohibition * tax and regulate ** tax and toke liberals * used to be just about the weed, he has sold out * free market should decide primo bud * he is a criminal and none of his ** smoked it when he has watched Dr. Colbert's show, but never while being interviewed *** not on him * lots of politicians say let's have a debate ** he says Congress is afraid * Stephen agrees we should have an open, public debate in Congress and public square ** as long as we don't talk about torture Epilogue * Dr. Colbert says to be sure to stick around for the after the show show, which is actually just Monday night's show Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments